94 Years of Knowledge | Nerd Health

Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.

Let me inform you about this wonderful girl.

Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.

(No marvel I really like the music of ​Alan Doyle​ (and ​Nice Massive Sea​), it’s in my DNA!)

Gramma was a preschool instructor for 22 years and has been an energetic member in her group for her total life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Growing old. She typically drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the previous individuals” (as she referred to as it), which she did nicely into her 80s!

Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I might swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my cellphone, typically distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I feel having recognized her my total life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has at all times been right here, and Gramma will at all times be right here.”

Luckily, I stumbled upon an historic Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my current visits with Gramma to be decidedly totally different.

Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会

There’s an idea relationship again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s referred to as ichi-go ichi-e:

This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”

It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how typically we do one thing or see any individual, it’s the solely time that it’ll really occur this manner, in this second.

This idea can remind us to be extra current.

• As an alternative of checking our telephones, we are able to give attention to the particular person or activity in entrance of us.
• As an alternative of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we might be right here now.
• As an alternative of going via the motions, we is usually a bit extra deliberate with our conduct.

I’ve mirrored quite a bit on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (​see my essay about Wabi-Sabi​), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.

Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.

I ended worrying concerning the future or ruminating on the previous, put my cellphone down, and simply sat along with her.

I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I might get to have that interplay.

I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent just a few summers dwelling in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their house along with his personal two arms. And the way a lot she beloved it.

She informed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and obtained caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.

I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared images of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:

She additionally discovered some images of me and her from approach again within the day!

This one was my favourite:

I returned to Nashville final month, uncertain when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.

It nonetheless felt totally different. I had linked with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I in all probability had prior to now 10 years mixed.

Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.

Gramma’s Group

Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.

And every day, a revolving door of friends would present as much as verify on her:

Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her finest good friend. Her good friend Anne. Mates from the Council of Growing old. Fellow quilters. Folks from her church.

At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the similar time, and it became an absolute social gathering.

I used to be in awe of this girl and what number of lives she has impacted.

If there’s a transparent signal of a life nicely lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped all the things to come back and spend time along with her, swapping tales and preserving her firm.

Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has a fantastic humorousness too:

The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and mentioned, “I remembered one other story!” She then informed me concerning the time she “borrowed” a automobile, despite the fact that she didn’t have a license but, to drive via the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.

Whereas speaking on the cellphone along with her 94 yr previous brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you previous geezer?”

When the physician requested “are you feeling higher immediately?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”

Spending time with Gramma and the entire individuals from totally different components of her life felt like the very best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m always moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.

This level was pushed additional house by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…

Stay Intentionally

The hospital during which my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his guide ​Walden​.

Sooner or later, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing via the timber.

(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s referred to as “komorebi”.)

I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:

“I went to the woods as a result of I wanted to stay intentionally, to entrance solely the important information of life, and see if I couldn’t be taught what it needed to train, and never, once I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”

Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most essential to him.

Gramma went the opposite route, prioritizing what’s most essential to her: household, associates, and group.

Two totally different eventualities, the identical finish end result:

Selecting to stay intentionally.

I don’t have plans on transferring into the woods and dwelling merely, however I do suppose I’ve executed my finest to stay extra intentionally these previous few years.

Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most essential to me too: associates, household, and group.

All We’ve got to Resolve…

A number of years in the past, Gramma offered my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.

“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I need to give them to you now in order that we are able to take pleasure in this second collectively.”

She took the time to clarify the that means behind every quilt and why they have been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, somewhat than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.

After I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay ​about my grandfather, her husband, who had handed away​. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means obtained to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.

For that purpose, I’m penning this essay now to verify she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so happy with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to be taught from her for 40 years (and counting!).

(I obtained a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and she or he beloved it. Mission completed!)

I definitely hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again house. In spite of everything, she informed her good friend Laurie “I’m not executed but!”

However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.

As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:

“All we’ve to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”

I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to stay extra intentionally:

• Should you’re prepared to place your cellphone down and be current with the individuals in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
• Should you’re prepared to prioritize what’s really essential as a substitute of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go unsuitable with the alternatives you make.
• If you’ll find a solution to give attention to the essential individuals in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it once you’re 94.

And at last keep in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do immediately, that is the one time this second will occur.

Act accordingly.

-Steve

PS: If you need a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely advocate Wim Wenders’s ​Good Days​.